Just Me, Mylee

A mother, a writer, a happiness-seeker and self-improvement junkie navigating through life in the city.

It’s been a minute since I’ve written on this personal blog of mine. The same goes for my positivity blog. What can I say? The summer has been pretty busy.

There wasn’t a shortage of writing on my part though. Writing was definitely happening. Lots of it. I was primarily focusing on that YA novel that I mentioned in my last post and I’m happy to say that I met my end-of-August deadline to complete a second draft. Now I wait.

But enough about writing. Something big has happened in our household. There’s one less member roaming our halls. My First Born, my Sami, has moved to Seattle to start her college career.

A little over a week has passed since she moved into her residence hall at Seattle University. Exactly one week ago I said goodbye to her on a Tuesday morning and flew back home to the Bay Area.

I have shed a tear every single night since coming home.

It’s harder than I thought. Not hearing her voice, not seeing her in her bedroom, not having her bounce onto my bed to tell me a story about something that happened that day is all really hard. In the evening when I’m loading the dishwasher as I do nightly, I half expect her to come strolling into the kitchen at the last minute to hand me her coffee mug. Sometimes I wish I’d get a late night text from her asking me to pick her up from her friend’s house because she didn’t feel like Ubering home.

Slowly but surely I’m getting used to the new rhythm and flow that having one less family member in the house brings. People have told me that it shouldn’t be too hard because I have my younger children to keep me busy. There is some truth to that but it doesn’t make it easier at all. Sami is Sami. To say that Sebastian and Sage would and could fill the void that she leaves behind is unfair to them.

Despite the sadness that comes with this milestone, there is still a silver lining. And it’s about taking what feels like a negative and making it positive. Having Sami off forging her way in college two states away has freed up my time in a major way. One less child means less shuttling around in the Mom Bus. I also have more time to focus on my son and youngest daughter not to mention more time to spend on my own hobbies and favorite pastimes. Keeping myself busy really does help fill the gaping hole that Sami’s absence has created.

I’m pretty sure that folks in my social media circles and maybe even people closest to me think I’m being a drama queen and wish that I would just get a grip, pull up my big girl pants and move on. To these people I say: just let me grieve this change in my life and in my household at my own pace. I’ll get there eventually. I’ll get used to this new normal in my life and the nightly shedding of tears will stop.

Until it’s time for my son to leave for college in 3 years.

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